Archive for December, 2011

only so much

December 8, 2011

i don’t know why but recently i’ve been feeling over emotional…i’ve mentioned this in the last post but i can feel myself started to break down…i don’t know if it’s finals and all the stress or the maine or maybe i’m just missing home..

it’s these days that i just kind of wonder if i’m able to handle it. i’ve always been so independent my entire life, it just is normalcy to do things the way i do. but i don’t know, so many things have caused me to just feel things a lot stronger.

maybe it’s pioneer. maybe it’s the idea that the simplest things in the world can have the largest impact. maybe it’s the fact that i’ve loved this band for almost four years now and that i feel like i’ve grown up with them. maybe it’s how every song is so raw that it makes me want to cry. maybe it’s just knowing that when writing this music, they had to have come from some dark or light place. maybe it’s knowing that they did this on their own and it’s inspiring. maybe it’s the way they were stripped down to their core just with their lyrics, voice and instruments. maybe i’m just going crazy. 

maybe i’m looking to feel something…along the lines of love. i have the most love in the world i would say. my family and my friends. even my teachers. i don’t know if it’s just the fact that it’s been so long since i’ve been home, i’m just waiting to be embraced by people i’ve known my entire life. maybe it’s just me wanting to achieve everything at once.

i know that’s wrong to do. i know that i need to slow things down and prioritize, something that i’ve done all along while being here. it’s knowing that i have a million things to do, not enough minutes and hours in the day, and just wanting to cherish each moment i have.

that’s why i’m longing for home. longing for break. just wanting to be surrounded by people that i haven’t seen in a while. i miss these faces. those hugs. those smiles. the comforting words. the food. the laughter. the conversations. just everything.

and then it’s me knowing that i’m not a superhero. i’m not invincible. i can only accomplish one thing at a time. there is a limit to every human that exists.

i’m going to be okay. i can feel it in my bones. although i’m working myself probably too hard, i need to take a breather. it’s time to just let it out.

Is this a waste of all my precious time
And could this chance that I take lead me to losing my mind
As I step to the edge, I saw the water below
Then I said to myself, “Sometimes you’ve gotta let go”

All I know is
All I know is
All I know is I’m still waiting for my sun to shine

Oh I see our clouds when I look around
Rain falls from my mouth as it hits the ground
Lead me to the light
‘Cause I’m still waiting
I’m waiting for my sun to shine

What does it take to be a liar
And all the chances we take
What we’re measured by
As I sat on my couch
I wondered why
It’s such a beautiful day
I’m still sitting inside-side-side
All I know is
All I know is
All I know is I’m still waiting for my sun to shine.

I was dancing with the devil
I was singing dirty songs
Pulling whiskey from the bottle
‘Till the early break of dawn

Oh my gorgeous Arizona
Here’s to gettin’ caught with you
I was runnin’ with the wolves
I was howlin’ at the moon

I felt down and torn apart
With no cash left in my pockets
Just a shitty fortune card
It read “Strength will find you sooner
Then you ever thought it would”

Then the pain it turned to anger
Moved to joy, so now I’m good
And I’m one pack of smokes from broke
I can tell I will make it alone

So I’ll keep on fighting
Yeah, I’ll keep on fighting
In the end, when you sink, we float

When you’re one pack of smokes from broke
When you’re one pack of smokes from broke
When you’re one pack of smokes from broke
When you’re one pack of smokes from broke
I’m just one pack of smokes from broke
Yes I’m one pack of smokes from broke

I’m just one pack of smokes from broke
I’m just one pack of smokes from broke
I’m just one pack of smokes from broke
One pack of smokes from broke
One pack of smokes from broke
I’m just one pack of smokes from broke

I’m just one pack of smokes from broke

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