Archive for September, 2010

baseball fanatic

September 30, 2010

acoustic rapping. my sister and i have decided that we are going to do lots of covers involving rapping with an acoustic guitar. it should be very interesting. i should really be doing stats homework right now but i am in no mood to.

today my daddy took my sister, my brother, and i to a baseball game. THE GIANTS FUCKING WON  3 to 1 against the diamondbacks AND IT WAS AMAZINGGGG. we were a little bit late and had to walk quite far because we parked….about three blocks away or something. same thing as usual, the people check our bags to see what’s inside, they beep the tickets and let us in, we go up the elevator to ground level (i know, ironic), and we walk till like row 130. we always sit in the same four seats in the fourth row. someone was sitting in our spots and they moved. i actually don’t like it when people just don’t sit in their own seats. they occupy space that is not theirs and they didn’t pay for it either. anyways. so we sat down. and it was the bottom of the first inning. the diamondbacks had scored one run but i think it was torres that was able to hit four balls and walked. so far, uneventful. at the top of the 2nd inning though i wanted food so i sent my dad and my sister to buy us chicken/garlic fries and stuff like that. then i realized there was this really goodlooking guy sitting right behind us with his dad. he was super duper cute. LOL i sound so creeper. but he seemed cool. the game heated up after we hit a home run and had 3 runs in the fourth inning. i think it was the fourth at least. everyone stood up, screaming, just excited. cuz this means we’re like this close to going to playoffs. tonight was so fun. WE EVEN HAD 13 strikeouts. MOTHERFUCKING YESSSSS. i was really happy because i really like timmy. he’s sooo weird but like cute and one of the most talented pitchers out there. and i told my sister i wanted to marry him and that he was marryable and she looked at me with this weird expression. but yea. and i still can’t believe that buster posey is married. 24 and married. seriously…..timmy pitched about 110 today. that’s seriously amazing. i’m just so….l;akjgal;skgja;sdlkgja no words to explain. I LOVE YOU LINCECUM :] and i love you daddy. yes i am still procrastinating and i have not finished my homework but it was so worth it. you took us to the game. even my friend who’s really into baseball said he was jealous because i got to go to so many sf games. i am lucky. i’m really lucky. and because of my daddy, i love baseball. when i was younger i always thought that it was so boring and too hot. my dad stopped trying to persuade us to go. he stopped for a while. and i don’t quite remember when he started taking us again, but the way i looked at it was so different. i had fun. my mentality probably changed because i watched a night game, unlike previous years when i watched afternoon games and the sun literally burned my legs, arms and face. but ever since then, i’ve really loved baseball. i never pictured myself to enjoy america’s favorite pasttime. but i do and i’m so grateful. it just shows that persistence pays off in the end. sometimes you just have to expose yourself to certain things enough, that it grows into you, and eventually becomes who you are.

thank you daddy.

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when you can’t win

September 28, 2010

you can’t lose because you’re almost stuck in a position that doesn’t allow you to make any moves.  i trust that everyone is going to be alright.

And I’m ok
Seems I just needed a break
Sat down but now I’m up again
And finding out I’m alone
My friends left me behind
And into another town
Where this boy is not around
And I don’t blame them
I’d do the same

And now I’m alone again

So I’ll sing along to the only song I’ve ever known
And I’ll sing it out to the lonely ones, oh oh oh
Those days are gone but the nights roll on taking their place
So I’m singing it out to the lonely ones

Hey, let’s write the story again
Where I’m your lover and best friend
Pack our backs and we’ll leave this old ghost town behind
And into another town
Where this boy is not around
He made the mistake of leaving you

That was mistake number ten

So I’ll sing along to the only song I’ve ever known
And I’ll sing it out to the lonely ones, oh oh oh
Those days are gone but the nights roll on taking their place
So I’m singing it out to the lonely ones

Hey, let’s write the story again
Where I’m your lover and best friend

So I’ll sing along to the only song I’ve ever known
And I’ll sing it out to the lonely ones, oh oh oh
Those days are gone but the nights roll on taking their place
So I’m singing it out to the lonely ones, oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

the only song by sherwood

maybe seventeen and convinced

September 27, 2010

i guess some days you realize how much time has truly passed and who’s really there for you. it seems we aren’t ever really treasuring those moments anymore. we’re letting them pass by because the way we see it, it’s all going to disappear in the end. but i don’t want to look back and regret. i want to remember and smile. because there’s no use creating hell when there’s time to be used on living. i’m tired. but i’m not dead. yet, at least. so i think i’ll spend more time being present than having a fleeting soul, ready to depart at any given moment.

I’m in a parking lot
At the top of a hill
Cigarettes, broken bottles
Cheap ways to get my thrills

I’m in a parking lot
It’s a quarter to nine
Surrounded by some liars and some cheats
Saying their friends are mine

And I’m looking for trouble in all the right places
Finding these angels have filthier faces than mine
All the time

I keep company with liars and cheats
I’m running with the likes of scoundrels and thieves
On the other side of town, a sight you’ll never see
‘Cause this is where I need to be

Yeah, we swear to God
He hears it all the time
It’s our lack of faith and foul mouths that always keep us last in line
We’ll never see heaven cause we’ll all be left deaf, dumb and blind

And I’m looking for trouble in all the right places
Finding these angels have filthier faces than mine
All the time

I keep company with liars and cheats
I’m running with the likes of scoundrels and thieves
On the other side of town, the sight you’ll never see
‘Cause this is where I need to be

So much for calling you out
The taste of hesitation
Hasn’t found my mouth since the nights I slept
Consuming carcinogens
Twenty-one and convinced, convinced that love doesn’t exist
No, it doesn’t exist

I keep company with liars and cheats
I’m running with the likes of scoundrels and thieves
On the other side of town, the sight you’ll never see
‘Cause this is where I need to be

(Twenty-one and convinced)
I keep company with liars and cheats
(Love doesn’t exist)
Running with the likes of scoundrels and thieves
(Twenty-one and convinced)
On the other side of town, a sight you’ll never see
(Love doesn’t exist)
‘Cause this is where I need to be

liars and cheats by hit the lights

falling apart isn’t so scary now

September 26, 2010

my nose is cold at the moment. i went on the freeway today. i did lots of errands with my dad. sometimes i think i do just take my dad for granted way too much. i see him trying to understand, but he just doesn’t sometimes and i guess that’s how it’ll be. i mean i can’t change that either and nowadays i look at it and i don’t want to change him. yes, i wish he would just pay a little more attention to us, but he is trying. he wants me and jessica to go to the baseball game on wednesday and i know he means well but i have a college fair thing that night. i really do love him, and on the surface i say that a lot but i don’t think i mean it half the time. but i really do these few days. i love them all lately. i know how much my mom cares about me and i know that at times i just seem stubborn, either with the way i think or act or anything. i’m probably wrong and it’s probably gonna bite me in the butt, but i guess i just don’t want to deal with that stuff right now. there’s no time for that. my future’s on the line. and i care wayyyy more about that. i really see that john was right. he was absolutely positively right. i shouldn’t fear the unknown and i should embrace it. i guess it just took me some time to see it. but now there’s not a doubt in my mind on how hard i’m going to work. there’s so much to do and so little time.

i could make my own home inside of a home i already have. my other homes could be dedicated to certain things. i’ll have a home for music :] wow i sound like a four year old girl. but i don’t know what it is. i’m so much happier. i mean i’m stressed, that’s not something i’ll lie about, but it just seems that i’m ok. everything else could fall apart and i’d be fine.

Let’s take off in flight

And race through the sky
And like the hundreds of airplanes we’re floating way up high
We’ll never look down
We’ll build our own town
And like the thousands of clouds we will never touch the ground

But would you risk some broken bones
Just to call this place home
This could be home

Maybe I’m down low
Maybe I’m up high
Maybe I’m losing my own mind
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours
Maybe you’ll follow
Maybe you’ll stay
I’m praying you won’t give yourself away
You know that you are the only one I’d promise the stars
You are

With your hand in mine
We’ll soar through the night
And like the dozens of spaceships we’ll dance with satellites
We’ll keep our eyes closed
And we won’t let go
And with the millions of stars we’ll will never be alone

But would you risk some broken bones
Just to call this place home
This could be home

Maybe I’m down low
Maybe I’m up high
Maybe I’m losing my own mind
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours
Maybe you’ll follow
Maybe you’ll stay
I’m praying you won’t give yourself away
You know that you are the only one I’d promise the stars
You are

I want you my only lover
And I want you my only lover

Maybe I’m down low
Maybe I’m up high
Maybe I’m losing my own mind
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours
Maybe you’ll follow
Maybe you’ll stay
I’m praying you won’t give yourself away
You know that you are the only one I’d promise the stars

Maybe I’m down low
Maybe I’m up high
Maybe I’m losing my own mind
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours
Maybe you’ll follow
Maybe you’ll stay
I’m praying you won’t give yourself away
You know that you are the only one I promise the stars

Maybe I’m down low
Maybe I’m up high
Maybe I’m losing my own mind
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours
Maybe you’ll follow
Maybe you’ll stay
I’m praying you won’t give yourself away
You know that you are the only one I’d promise the stars
You are

say…

September 24, 2010

is there something wrong with me? nope. i really don’t think there is.

i like tea :] and i like norwegian recycling. their music makes me smile. haha. today was fun actually, i didnt think many people would show up. i mean not that many did but at least a good amount. and we watched a fun movie. monsters vs aliens ❤ haha. it’s days like these, well nights really, that make me feel so good. it’s just simple, free of worries and stress, and just pure joy. i miss them. i missed it all. and really, i’m honestly not sure what to think of people who leave. so i just keep myself occupied with the people who are here. i cried during gossip girl today. it was the first time i ever did that. blair’s voice when she said she didn’t love chuck anymore, absolutely broke me. and what hurt the most was chuck’s expression after she said it. his heart splattered all over his face. and one tree hill. omigod. i swear haley has to deal with the most crap ever. i don’t even know how she pulls herself together. it’s so admirable. tears falling all over the place. god i’m an emotional wreck when it comes to tv….depressing, ain’t it?

“Two to one
Static to the sound of you and I
Undone for the last time
And there this was
Hiding at the bottom of your
Swimming pool some September
And don’t you think
I wish that I could stay
Your lips give you away

I can hear it, a jet engine
Through the center of the storm
And I’m thinking I’d
Prefer not to be rescued

Two to none
Roads that lead away from this
I’m following myself just this once
And I got spun
It appears you’re spun as well
It happens when you pay attention
Well this could take all year, but

When it’s quiet, does she hear me?
A jet is sent to the center of the storm
And I’m thinking I’d
Prefer not to be rescued
Oh, I can feel her, she’s dying
Just to keep me cool
I’m finally numb, so please
Don’t get me rescued… rescued…

And it’s unclear
But this may be my last song
Oh, I, I can tell
She’s raising hell to give to me
She got me warm
So please don’t get me rescued
Oh, say you’ll miss me one last time
I’ll be strong, but whatever you do
Please don’t get me rescued…

‘Cause I’m feeling like
I might need to be near you
And I feel alright, so please
Don’t get me rescued…”

-jack’s mannequin, rescued


chasing

September 23, 2010

let’s review what’s happened today

i hit my fucking head against the garage door, one of the most painful things in the world.

and i tried to wash and dry my hair and it was so hard.

i’m still staring at this screen thinking about what i should write. i could just list everything that happened like i always do. but i realized i’m never reflective. ever since doing the uc essay, i’ve noticed i don’t see enough. it just makes me wonder if we ever really think for ourselves. don’t we take ideas from others, who’ve retrieved them from someone else? i just question whether or not i’m really thinking. if i’m truly feeling the raw emotion in me. i feel so much that i’m afraid i’m not actually feeling them. it could be a mirage. because clearly, i haven’t cared much for putting myself in deep thought lately. when i first starting using wordpress i guess it could be considered a ranting place, if you will.  but not it’s like one of those things i abandon. is it just human to leave everything? probably not. i’m just too lazy.

people don’t get it. they don’t understand. who’s they? i have no clue….the pretenders? the liars? the hypocrites? the critics? i can’t help but wonder if i’m the one who’s making an excuse. if i’m purposely leaving who i really am behind. there’s so much i’m afraid to say and there’s so much that i should think of but i don’t.

i think i’m running away from the things i think i can’t be good at. maybe that’s why i’m not joining deca. maybe i know that i’ll “fail” or just potentially embarrass myself. or maybe i know that that isn’t my interest. and if that’s true, then what am i doing thinking of minoring in marketing or something. when i was younger, i’m pretty sure i imagined myself to be the center of attention. the model instead of the designer. the singer instead of the stagehand/techie. and now it’s all about building up someone else’s confidence even if mine is shattered, not saying it is at the moment. it’s all a possibility though.

you know what i think? i don’t. i don’t think sometimes. i just let things float by. i’d probably be a very interesting drug addict. JUST PLAYING. my goodness if i were, i can’t even imagine myself as so. anywhos off-topic. but as i was saying before, i’ve changed. and i like the way i am. i just don’t understand why i do some of the things i do. i can’t comprehend me not trying to overwork myself. it’s not like i’m not already losing sleep, might as well put it to good use.

it’s so funny how this post i’m actually thinking of what to write. instead of just spouting whatever’s on my mind. this post is so robotic, so controlled. so society. i’ve backspaced so many times. why?

why do people need to know what i think, what i feel? what does it do for them? why do colleges need to understand me, when i barely understand myself? why am i always complaining about these things? cuz honestly, i’m tired of my voice (online and literal), it sounds so whiny. but i’m not about to erase everything. not today.

sleep. as the rest of the city sleeps. live. as the people who aren’t around you live. fall. as if you can’t see the bottom at all. choose. as if the decisions impacted the world. create. as what hasn’t been created. dance. as if nobody’s looking.  breathe. as if all the other breaths you took were when you weren’t alive.

September 20, 2010

im tired. im working. college essays arent as bitchy as i thought….BUT they do require lots of time and i’m scared i’ll run out of time. i sure hope i don’t

somedays…

September 14, 2010

i can’t believe the things i hear or see or feel. it becomes blind and numb. maybe we’re all trapped. we commit crimes, feed lies, and create excuses because it’s an easy way out. we all do it. but it’s finally the day to let go. i’m not holding back. i’m not going to be feeling terrible while lying and saying i’m completely fine. i’m over that stage of high school drama. i’m over being perceived as a blunt  bitch (even though that probably onlly happens in my head…but still.) i’m over the ‘i choose you i hate you i love you i like you we’re cool we’re not cool we’re fine’ type of things. i have no time for that stuff.

we’re growing up. and i can’t stress that enough to myself. things happen and you can’t stop them from happening. altering the course won’t necessarily get it completely astray. sometimes people find their way back onto the course.. so in reality they’ll probably get back to the original path and return to where it all started.

let’s just let go

busy

September 13, 2010

really busy. really tired. but still running

September 12, 2010

he says i think too much. that is very true. i tend to overthink instead of just letting things go the way they are. i’m gonna take chances i’m gonna work i’m gonna BE. i just can’t hesitate anymore and it’s all chances and risktaking from here. and not just for me. for others too alrightt